Angela Carter

Till Death Do Us Part



Posted: Monday, July 16, 2007

by
Coastal Health Information Services

"Till death do us part", those are some pretty powerful words.  Unfortunatly not everyone takes them seriously.  I took my marriage vows very seriously but but husbands did not.  Yes, I've been married three times, husband number one was a good man or at least I thought he was at the time.  As years went by, 11 to be exact, I came to the relization that he was controling and mentally abusive.  Now, I know what you're thinking, that's what she says, but let me give you some examples:  We had a little girl and I was not allowed to pick her up after work from the babysitter because as he said, "You have work to do when you get home and you don't need her under your feet".  He would pick her up instead while I was doing my work (cleaning the house and cooking).  I did pick her up one day after work and was punished for it the rest of our marriage.  But the one thing that made me leave was that his sexual behavior was far from normal.  I had a hard time reconciling it and just couldn't bring myself to go along with it.  On to other examples, he controled what we ate, when we had sex, what we did for entertainment and would on a regular basis make not nice comments on my appearance.  All these things are mild compared to husband number two. 

When I met husband number two I was not yet divorsed from husband number one but was in the process.  He was what I now classifie as a bad boy.  A far cry from what I had had.  He worked hard and partied hard and I was excited by this because it had been 15 years since I had had any fun in my life.  He was also married but had told me he too was getting a divorse and I believed him.  Well, we moved to Texas and I loved it.  We moved back to Illinois when his mother became deathly ill and was not expected to be with us much longer.  After her death is when the abuse started.  He stayed drunk most of the time and when he came home one day I said something (I don't remember now what it was) and he grabbed me by the throat and lifted me off the floor a good 12 inches and slammed me into the wall still holding on to me by my throat.  I appolgized and everything went back to normal for a while.  I kept thinking to myself that I could fix him by making sure that I picked and choosed when I spoke to him about his drinking.  Wrong!!!  He would smack me around and tell me that was just incase I even thought about doing anything wrong and that was how his father had done him.  Well, I didn't leave even then because I kept thinking I could help him.  We moved to Florida to be with his sister and her family to get a fresh start.  After five years of being together we got married.  Then the abuse took on a whole new picture.  The beatings got more regular and more violent.  I knew that if I tried to fight back I had better be prepared to run like crazy because if he caught me I would be dead.  That put a whole new spin on "Till death do we part".  After two more years of physical and mental abuse I got the courage to leave.  I packed my car with a clothes basket full of clothes, my sewing machine (I figured I could make money with it), my dog and $35 in my pocket and I headed to Savannah, GA.  I had no idea what I was going to do or even where I was going in Savannah.  I didn't know anyone but I had come to the conclusion it had to be better than where I was now.  I later found out that he had never divorsed his wife and that he had a girlfriend.  Made no difference to me at that point because I was through with him.

When I reached Savannah I headed right to the State Troupers station because I figured they could help me, they did.  They took my dog to the animal shelter and took me to the Safe Shelter for Abused and Battered Women.  When I go to the shelter they helped me with counseling and I made a few new friends.  In three days I had a job and in a week a place to live and I had found a place to keep my dog. 

One of the girls in the shelter called a friend of hers (my husband now) and told him the situation and he agreed to keep my dog since he thought she could keep his dog company.  He later moved and after he had put a fence around the yard, brought the dogs where he was.  He got a computer and since a I had some experience with it he would ask me to come over when I wasn't working and teach him.  Over time when it was time for me to go home he would ask me to stay and I would.  He was just as lonely as I was and we actually talked about each others lives.  Soon we fell in love.  He helped  me to get through the after effects of the abuse of the first two husbands and we grew closer then either one of us had ever been before. 

On December 25, 1995 he proposed to me at our friends house and we were married on December 28, 1995.  Nothing fancy, we rode the motorcycle to the Justice of the Peace in South Carolinia and came back home.  We made a few stops to tell some of his friends and celibrate but then we went home.  We had a good life then. 

Then in September of 1997 I started having trouble with my left knee and went to an orthopedic doctor only to find out that I would have to have a first time procedure for this area done on my knee.  I had the surgery in December of 1996 and that set off a whole set of problems for us.  Arthritis was found under my knee cap, I developed Fibromyalgia, Restlegg Syndrome, Irritable Bowl Syndorme, pain levels were so high I couldn't tollerate walking for long periods of time, I didn't sleep at night and to top that I ended up having to take medication where I took none before.  I became depressed and there was nothing my husband could do to help me which caused him to be depressed.  Medications took away any sexual desires I had had, which is important to my husband. We quite taking weekend trips, going to the biker functions and having friends over.  My husband stayed by my side the entire time doing everything he could and everything I would let him. 

Then in May of 1999 I was told I had HepC and had only five years to live and that it would be a very painful death.  My husband said no way and we got another opinion and found out that there were clinical trials being done to test some new drug combinations for HepC.  We enrolled me in one of those trials and I went on the combination meds for 18 months.  I beat the HepC but I am now dealing with the lifelong side effects, I no longer have a functioning thryroid.  I have gained about 50 lbs but my husband stayed by my side again. 

It has been 11 years since we got married and our love for each other grows more and more with each passing obstical.  I thank God every day for my husband because if it hadn't been for him I fear I would not be here today.  Finally, I have found a "till death do we part" relationship.

Angela Carter is a 55 year old disabled women. Living in Savannah, GA and is the owner of Coastal Health Information Services, a health information gathering service. http://www.coastalhealthinfoservicedotcom.wordpress.com and http://chisarthritisinfo.blogspot.com

Angela Carter has been disabled since 1999 after surgery on her knee and diagnosed with Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatique, Restleg Syndrome, IBS, and HepC. She had total knee replacement in 2007 after the arthritis in her knee went unchecked for 10 years. In 2010 she was diagnosed with Sjogren's (show-grin's) syndrome and gout. She has never given in or quit living because of her disabilities, she has just had to reevaluate her activities.

Her articles have been published on EZine.com, Self-Growth.com, Article Base and her article "Resilience: Do You Have What It Takes To Bounce Back" was mentioned in The World Federation for Mental Health report on Oct. 10, 2010.

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